microphone etiquette

Here is the official "unofficial" list. Although there are many more that could've made the list, I narrowed it down to 15. Let me know your thoughts.

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Top 15

1. “um” – please be prepared. When you are not prepared, every other sound that comes out of your mouth is “um”… it is um, OBNOXIOUS!!!

2. "how is everyone doing?" - this has to be one of the worst. First of all, if I am in a crowd, I am not responding to this question because I can't speak for EVERYONE!!! Secondly, you don't really care how I am doing; you are just trying to get some feedback.

3. "is this thing on?" or "can you hear me" (or any variation of this)- I hate these because if the microphone is not on, I can't hear your question. If I can't hear you, I am not going to respond anyway. If it is not on, the sound person will notice and fix the problem (a half decent one will anyway)

4. "They don't even know I am going to say this but..." or “I didn't ask if I could say this but…”- this one is a recipe for disaster. If you are supposed to be announcing one thing, and then take it upon yourself to change things without clearing it with someone, you are probably going to look stupid and it makes everyone else look unorganized. It usually doesn't turn out the way you think it will.

5. Inside jokes are not funny from the mic/stage - any time you tell a joke or make a comment that is not intended for the entire listening audience, it is probably going to warrant the sound of crickets. It is not going to be funny to anyone, even you, because you will probably end up embarrassed and mess up the rest of what you are supposed to say. It won't turn out as good as you rehearsed it in your head. As a rule, limit your jokes to 2. Anything more than that is a lame attempt to be something you are not - funny

6. “Wow, you guys are dead today” or “no one’s here today” – there is never a need to go negative on the audience. You making negative comments just makes people think you are an idiot and they have officially tuned you out.

7. “Is it ok if I take just a couple more minutes” - when you have the mic, it’s too late to tell you "no". Be prepared enough to know what you are going to say and how long you are supposed to talk. Another couple minutes will not help if you are unprepared. It will simply make you look more unprepared.

8. "They called me last night / this morning and asked me to speak about ..." – That implies the leaders aren't the kind of people who plan things in advance. Maybe they're not, but you don't have to broadcast it just to cover for the debacle that is about to come out of your mouth.

9. "Sorry you have to listen to me" or "I don't know why I'm up here". That kind of insecurity will not command attention. If you are sorry people have to listen to you, so are they. No one wants to listen to you if you have to apologize for talking. Just don’t even bother grabbing the mic.

10. "What's uuuuuuuuup" - it is not funny anymore. Please just remove this from your vocabulary - period!

11. Know the name of the person you are introducing – if you mis-pronounce someone’s name, others will know. You put the other person in an awkward spot to either correct you and make you look like a goof or act like it is the right way to say it and make everyone else think they are stupid.

12. Don’t hold mic @ waist level - There is nothing down there that anyone wants to hear

13. Don’t ask if you can have the mic. If you think you have something that everyone needs to hear, plan it ahead of time. Find a leader and ask if it is appropriate to share with everyone. Let the leader talk to whomever is in charge of the mic

14. When you get the mic don't smell it and say "man whoever used this last has bad breath" – you are probably smelling your own breath backing up in your face.

15. Keep it short and simple – don’t ramble or talk too long. The audience is lost and it doesn’t make for a smooth transition. Keep it short enough that people don’t lose interest and simple enough that they are clear about what you are saying.

Word of caution if you have a goatee: don't rest it on your chin. Because when you pull it away you will find out why. And then the next person who gets it will see your chin hair on it, which can be described as black curlies on it. Not good. (this actually happened)
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My point: If you apply these rules of etiquette, you and everyone else, will have a much better experience.

Thanks to everyone who has participated by sending me feedback. To all those who did not participate - thanks for nothing.