Happy?

This sept will be my 10yr wedding anniversary. We are finally going to go on a vacation together. We are going to go to the Dominican Republic. I heard great things about it.

Each anniversary is a milestone but it really made me think about why people say "happy" anniversary.

People say "happy" whether they know if it is actually a celebration for the couple or not. Whether it is happy or not, I agree it should be celebrated because they chose to stay together.

Most people say it because they just don't know what else to say. Have u ever heard of anyone saying "crappy anniversary" or "not too bad anniversary"?

My point: we decide whether we have a happy anniversary or not. Staying together is a choice and happy is also a choice. My happiness does not depend on anyone else. Having an anniversary is a choice and making it happy is also a choice.

Of course I am talking about a marriage anniversary. There are definitely some anniversaries of very tough times that will not bring happy memories.

Happy is depends on me.

Go positive

I love throwing a good positive over a potential negative.

I kind of enjoy when a person is trying to be negative about someone and I don't go there. I will say things like: we don't know the whole story, you're definitely entitled to your opinion, that's not the same person I know, let's give em the benefit of the doubt or don't you think that's an unfair perspective.

Sometimes I will be more direct and tell them they are being negative or ask if they would be saying that if the other person were standing here.

The final tactic is to blow up the negative with a positive. I try to talk about something really good about the person just to get the negative person to either see a different side or just shut up.

My point: one of the easiest things to be is negative. One of the hardest things do is be positive around negative people. Training yourself ahead of time, knowing how you will respond to negativity is a great defense to negativity.

The next time someone goes negative - be positive. It will either make them mad or make them quiet. Either way, you're better off.

excited and appreciative

It is pretty exciting around C3 these days. It is never dull but there are some great things in the works. As easy as it is to be excited about the future, we need to take time to appreciate where we are.

We meet as a staff and we take time to talk about LifeChange and just have fun. We talk about the future and what it will take for us to get there and we talk about the present and make sure we enjoy what is currently going on.

We are in a season of transition. Our staff will never be what it is today. There are going to be people added and some will be leaving. All that is not bad, it is just different. When I look at what got us here, it is not necessarily going to get us where we think we will be. That calls for personal growth, staff growth and more space. All that is change and we all deal with change differently.

My point: It would be easy to focus on the excitement of the future but we also need to take time to appreciate where we are. We are not where we were and we are not yet where we are going.

Take some time to dream and be excited but also take a moment to reflect and be appreciative.

why i

C3 has been doing a series called "why i". So far we have talked about "why I" smile, doubt and why I trust. 

This got me thinking about some of the things people do. Why do some people wear the bluetooth everywhere they go. Why do some people only talk about themselves. Why do people drive so fast. Why do they go to the gym and just stand around. Why do people complain about EVERYTHING. Why do they blame their problems on everyone but themselves. Why is popping pills the only option. Why do you say you are in agreement with a decision only to act like a big baby and blame your spouse when you don't like it anymore. 

These are just a few of the things people do that I don't understand. That is "why I" take responsibility for myself. I don't want anyone to think I am not a person of integrity. It absolutely drives me nuts when people say they will do something but never come thru. They say they will help and be a key leader then they never show up but they always have a great excuse. Irresponsible, inconsiderate people are "why I" carry a sock full of nickels...

My point: You are the reason why. Stop blaming your problems on your parents who never hugged you or your spouse who doesn't get off the couch. You can still choose to have a great attitude. Your attitude is YOUR choice. That is "why I" choose to blog and shine some light on this subject. 

Think about what you are going to do then do it. Don't say you will if you won't. 

guilty until proven innocent

I was traveling home in a mini-van with 126k miles on it. It was me, my wife, 2 sleeping babies, and a dog. This yahoo was riding my butt so as soon as the 2 lanes changed to 3 lanes, I got in the far right lane. 

This dude blew right by me like I was standing still. We even commented that he was toast because there was a cop at the bottom of the hill. We saw the cop standing there waving his hands and we thought "ha ha, you are busted"... Not so fast

The cop pointed at ME and motioned for me to pull over. I thought you gotta be kidding me. Deni said she looked at the speedometer and it was not over 70. The cop asked me if I knew why he pulled me over and I said "I have no idea"... he said he clocked me doing 88 in a 65. I said this "sir, I have 2 sleeping kids and we are not in any hurry, and I don't think this van could even do 88" - he said it was and proceeded to write me a ticket. 

This sucks. I have been pulled over for speeding before and I ALWAYS admit it when I am guilty. This time, I really wasn't doing it and it is going to be my word against his. Guess who is gonna win that one???

I honestly believe he got the speed of the car that blew past me and tagged me with his speed. How do you go to court and argue that one. Every person that gets pulled over says they are innocent. The judge hears every excuse and sob story there is. What do you do when you REALLY are innocent. What about the "until proven guilty" part?

My point: I am a person that admits when I mess up. I will own it instead of making excuses. The people that know me - knows that if I say I did it, I did it, but if I say I didn't, then I didn't. I have enough integrity and they know my word is good. 

I wish the judge would just say "oh, you didn't do it - dismissed" and bang the gavel. I really don't see that happening. 

If you know of a way to get out of this one, let me know. If I did it, I would admit it. 

thumbs up

When a company gives awful service I will tell people so I feel like I should do the same for companies that give great service. 

Verizon just hooked us up. Recently we discovered Twitter. It was very cool when I thought I had unlimited texting. Then I get the bill and realized it was only unlimited for verizon to verizon customers. BUMMER!!!

I called verizon and explained my ignorance and they credited my account and hooked me up with a REAL unlimited texting package and got it added to my wife's plan as well but here is the kicker - It will cost NO EXTRA a month... go figure. I can't disclose how I made it happen. We can chalk one up for a blessing or for flirting, either way, it was great. 

My point: we need to spread good experiences as much as the bad ones. I like hearing both only because it lets me be cautious of the negative companies and it makes me want to do business with the great ones. 

Good job verizon, you get a "thumbs up". I took the extra time to ask to speak to the person's supervisor so I can brag on her. She made my day, why not make hers.

disclaimer: my wife sat here and listened to the entire conversation and was ok with my flirtation (actually encouraged me to) as long as it saved us money... 

are -vs- want to

I think I am going to change the question "how are you doing?" to "how do you want to be doing?". That may change the way people answer. 

Today, I overheard a person casually ask someone "how are you doing this morning" only to hear the person respond "I am so tired, I didn't get to bed until after 11". I thought - oh poor baby, did you not get your 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep!!! 

Why do people feel the need to tell people how bad things are. Is there nothing good you can say? Wow, that must be awful. 

Then there are people who will make it sound like it is the biggest deal to do the smallest little thing. They go into all the things that they will have to do or how much of a pain it's gonna be to help. 

If you can't do it, say no. If you can but it's gonna take some rearranging or changing plans - do it without complaining. I would rather hear you say "NO" instead of all the awful things you have to go thru to say "yes"... 

My point: Unfortunately when people say "how are you", most of the time they are just being nice. The next time someone asks you that question, give them a big smile and do your best to respond in a positive way. Watch their reaction, they will be surprised that you are different, because most people answer negative. 

If I ask, I really do care how people are doing but there are those people who you just know are going to be negative no matter what - so I stop asking those people that question and I will begin asking "how do you want to be doing?", if the response to that is negative - you got issues! 

question

I love clarifying questions or statements. There is something about having a discussion when someone chimes in with the question, that if answered, will bring clarity to the situation. Often times the clarifying question makes the decision easier. It gets to the root of the issue.

We try to "clarify the win" when we are having a meeting or starting something new. We ask ourselves questions like these:

/ what do we want people to know when they leave here

/ what do we want them to do
/ if they only walk away with ONE thing, what do we want that to be
/ is what we are communicating clear and easy to understand
/ is there a better way to get this information out
/ would I want to attend this event
/ if you were a sandwich, what would you be and why

Asking the right question helps people answer a lot of their own questions. When someone asks for advice or my opinion, I usually ask them a question or two. I want to know if they really want my thoughts or if they just want me to agree with theirs.

There are usually two main reasons why people ask questions.
1. to show you how much they know.
2. to show you how much you don't know.

Don't be one of these people. Ask questions to get information. Ask with the intent to learn and grow. Ask because you really want the answer.

My point: questions are a great way to grow. Don't use them to flex your brain muscle. If you have to ask a question just so you can answer it, there is probably a reason you didn't get asked in the first place - they don't care. Don't ask questions just so you can answer the question you ask.

Can you tell this is a pet peeve...

your opinion is stupid

C3 had some interns come from a college to learn "church planting". The original plan was for them to come in 4 hours during the week then they would be in charge of planning the Sun evening service. It would've given them a real hands on experience to get an idea of some of the work that goes into planting a church.

The plan changed and communication was not clear so it didn't end up being what we or the interns thought it would be. The only time they could come in was Sunday nights. That made it difficult for them to see any "behind the scenes" stuff because we were busy setting up for the service.

The internship has ended and we just got a copy of their summary papers (their opinions). I would have to say that they shined some light on some areas of weakness. It was hard to read but when you can see it thru their eyes, it is their honest opinion. I can't fault someone for being honest. I could just blow it off and say "your opinion is stupid" but I think a better plan is to take the criticism and learn something.

Of course, I don't agree with everything they said. I have to understand their opinion is exactly that - their opinion. I just have to make sure I filter it and keep the truth and throw away the stuff that we can't or don't want to change.

We all have opinions of what a church "should be". We just have to make sure we know who we are and who we are trying to be - then do that.

My point: When you ask for opinions, it is like putting a bullseye on yourself. Don't ask if you don't want to know. Just because you don't like an opinion doesn't mean it is stupid or wrong. Change the things you can and blow off the stuff that is of no value. If you ask for the opinion, be mature enough to listen to both positive & negative.

You could always opt for a sock and some nickels.

why not

Here is a picture of Hannah doing her heisman pose after breaking thru the other kids to collect eggs.

Most kids go thru the phase where the continually ask "why?". Not my red-head, she asks "why not?".

When Hannah wants to do something and she is told "no", she questions, "why not?". She obviously heard that somewhere and uses that question even where it doesn't quite fit. She will ask you "what are you doing?" and you could reply "making donuts out of horse hair" and she would ask "why not?"... that got me thinking.

I am glad my kid is growing up with the "why not" attitude. I am sure there will come a time when someone tells her she can't do something and I pray that she would simply ask "why not". I want her to know and believe she can do anything and have no doubt in her mind when she sets out to do it. When others are standing on the sideline making excuses why they can't or won't attempt something, or don't think something is possible, my little stubborn red-head will be the first in line saying "why not".

I am sure she may trip up along the way, she may not achieve everything she attempts but that won't be because she made excuses or didn't try.

My point: "why not?" - what are you afraid to try that you have convinced yourself that you can't do. You are telling yourself "why" it's not possible but I am here to ask "why not". Why is it not possible. Are you just afraid of failure or being embarrassed? Who cares? Stop telling yourself why you can't and start asking yourself why not.

Why not you, why not now!

Hannah could become the first female heisman winner - why not?

the big "BUT"

I am reading a book where the author talks about the power of the "but".

Now be careful, I know it would be extremely funny to talk about the power of the butt, however, that is not what I said. Don't get me wrong, my butt has some amazing power, "but" that is not what this post is about. I may talk about that another time (I am sure you can't wait for that).

Isn't "but" a funny word. If someone says "you look nice but..." - it doesn't matter how nice the first part of that sentence was, you are only going to remember the part after the "but". Why do we do that?

In the Hebrew language the word "but" cancels out everything that is said prior to it in a sentence structure. That means if you say: you look nice - but, you smell like cheese", you are only going to focus on the part where you smell like a dairy product. Get it?

Let's try another one. See if this one has ever happened to you. "I would love to go out with you - but, I have to braid my armpit hair". (haven't we all heard that one!)

What are you saying - then canceling it out with your big "but"?
*I know I should get in shape - but...
*I know I need to get out of debt - but...
*I should go to church - but...
*I want to have a relationship with Jesus - but...
*My dream is to have a sock full of nickels - but...

My point: we all have a big "but" and they all stink. Stop thinking about your "but" and get busy doing what you need to do. Your"but" is just getting in the way.

Pay attention to how often you say the word "but". We already notice when people say it to us, now start noticing when you say it to yourself & others.

smile

Raegan (8 weeks old) is at the stage now where you can talk in a really corny, high voice and she will smile so big. She pushes her head back, opens her mouth really wide, crosses her eyes and gives the biggest smile she can.

I can't think of a whole lot of things that brings joy to my life like seeing my girls smile. It just melts my heart and makes me feel really good and mushy on the inside. There is power in a smile.

I love walking through the mall and just smiling. People usually look at you like you are nuts (in my case they are right) or like you are going to jack them with a sock full of nickels. Sometimes they look at you only to hurry and look away but every once in awhile, they actually smile back.

Sometimes when I am sitting at a light or passing someone, I will look over and smile as big as I can. They usually laugh and then I see their lips move probably, commenting on how insane I am, but it is fun.

Studies show that if you are bummed or depressed and you smile, you begin to feel better. If you take it a step further and look at yourself in the mirror and smile, you start to feel better even sooner.

My point: Smiles, like a lot of other things, are contageous. I would rather affect someone with something postitive than infect them with something negative.

Next time you are cranky -smile.
Next time someone is spewing negatives at you - SMILE BIG.
Next time you come in contact with anyone - smile a big cheezy smile.

Start smiling and see what happens. Let me know what kind of reactions you get...

normal?

Someone once told me that "normal" is nothing but a setting on a washing machine.

We are in a season of our lives where we are adjusting to the "new normal". Raegan is now a couple weeks old and Hannah is still a red-head in her terrible (although hilarious) two's. Hannah is now adding jealousy to her personality & Raegan is sleeping great - DURING THE DAY!!!

Deni is getting an average of 8 hours of sleep -PER WEEK!!! I am doing what I can around the house and with Hannah but I just don't have the right equipment (breasts) to provide what Raegan needs (milk).

Adjusting to a newborn is amazing. I absolutely love it. It is just different than what we are used to - normal. Well, it is now the new "normal".

My point: you can keep a list of the negative or you can focus on the positive. So many people have bad relationships because they keep score. Unfortunately the bad is remembered or scored more often than the good. If you want great relationships, keep a running list of the positive things. Let the negatives go. That way - winners all around.

What are you still dreding or allowing yourself to have a bad attitude about that you just need to accept as the new "normal"?

If you want to see "normal", look on your washing machine.

don't quit

Today, Konan spoke a great message today about "endure" and tied in his training and what went through his mind when he didn't think he could go any further.

I think we all experience times in our lives when we want to just throw in the towel and quit. What do you do when things get tough. Do you focus on why you started in the first place or do you just listen to yourself in the moment and quit.

One of the qualities I have always instilled in my daughter Shayna (and will in Hannah & Raegan) is not to quit. If you start it, finish it. I remember one specific time when Shayna was about 4yrs old, she and I were doing something we weren't supposed to be doing - but we were bored. We were walking up the down escalator (don't even act like you never did this) We got about 2/3 of the way up and Shayna got nailed in the shin by one of the steps and it began bleeding.

I wasn't even thinking about teaching her a lesson about quitting, I was worried that I was going to get in trouble for injuring my child. I said "Shayna, just sit down and we can go to the bottom." She said "no daddy, I want to finish, I can do it". I said ok, then let's get moving. She pushed through the pain and the trickle of blood and hit her destination, the top!!!

We got to the top and I found a napkin and began wiping her shin. She was so excited, and said "Daddy, I didn't quit", I was so proud of her. I made such a big deal about that and I still to this day remind her of that experience.

My point: If you start something, finish it. Don't quit just because it gets a little hard. Don't lose sight of the goal. Don't talk yourself into thinking it is no big deal. Quitting is a big deal. It says A LOT about you. What does it say? Well, I will let you figure that out...

It is easy to justify or talk yourself into thinking it doesn't matter or no one is going to be affected but someone is ALWAYS affected... YOU!!!

Last week I told you about Konan. He completed an IronMan triathlon. He really inspired me and many others.

Here is a video about his experience.

http://www.youtube.com/user/sifujuice

look at me

We had an opportunity to golf yesterday. It was a scramble format which means we play the best hit ball. 4 people hit and wherever the best ball lands, everyone hits from there. Even if I hit mine into the water (which I did about 4 times that day), I get to hit from the middle of the fairway, because someone on my team hit it there.

Even though I never really expect to play my ball, it sure does feel good when we do. For that brief moment in time it is like screaming "LOOK AT ME!!!" (of course I did this too...). Our team wasn't that good, we all had at least a couple shots that we actually yelled "LOOK AT ME!!!". It was all in fun and we knew it was all good hearted.

That got me thinking about those people who are always struggling with stuff. There would be a problem if they didn't have a problem. You know the type. The people who you know if you mess up and ask the "how ya doing?" question, you are gonna get everything from "no one likes me", "my corns hurt", "my dog's anal sacks are full"... there is going to be a totally negative answer. You actually want to rip your own arm off and beat yourself with it while you bleed to death.

I think this is a very obvious cry to "look at me". They are not getting attention and are to insecure to let people see who they really are. They are miserable people and they make others miserable too. Then they wonder why they don't have any real friends.

Me and a friend of mine saw this guy just blatantly interrupting every conversation and turned it to himself. It was frustrating and obvious so we made a game of it. We started counting every time he did it. We would just say a number out loud and the whole group heard us but had no idea what we were doing. Someone would say I had pizza for dinner and this guy would break in and tell how he knows the best place to get pizza. Or another guy had a bad knee and this guy knew a guy who had two bad knees. This guy was just screaming "look at me" but everyone else was just SCREAMING!!!

My point: take some time to listen and genuinely be interested in someone other than yourself. Quite honestly, no one thinks you are all that interesting anyway. People are not laughing with you, they are laughing AT you. Keep quiet long enough and allow the focus to be on someone else for once. Stop looking at yourself and look at others.

You may think you want others to look at you but you really need to look at your self. Be honest enough to deal with your insecurities.

healthy or unhealthy

I think it is only natural to have good days and some not so good days (and some absolutely horrible ones). When we are having a not so good day or a flat out rotten day we are less tolerant of others. I think it is natural but that doesn't make it right.

There are times when someone can cut me off and it is no big deal. Then there are other times when I may be having some personal struggles and being cut off only fans the flame. Or when the line is moving slow it is easy to think that the person in front of you is an idiot. But when you are having a good day it is easier to think the person in front must need special assistance and it doesn't bother you.

I try to guard myself when I am not in a great mood. I actually try harder to make sure I don't affect or infect others with my mood. I may be screaming at you in my head but I purposely don't say anything that would make you feel attacked for no reason.

My point: it isn't other people's problems that you are having a tough day. It is inconsiderate and selfish to always ask them to always understand that you are just having a bad day. Look at yourself and see if you are having more bad days than good days. If you are bold enough, ask other people how they view you... be careful and don't attack them for their honesty.

I heard a great quote that I may talk about at a later time. It says "healthy people will tell you when they are upset, unhealthy people will show you."

Are you healthy?

and the winner is...

Today was a great day. C3 had a record setting attendance day and it was our first church picnic. We had some great food, some karaoke (yes we had karaoke at a church picnic...) and of course we can't rule out the ol' cornhole tournament. What would a church picnic be without some good old fashioned competition.

When it came time to sign up for the tourney, my wife told me to find a different partner because she didn't want to be the reason I didn't win. I thought that was very noble but I wanted her to be my partner. She can be my life partner but not my cornhole partner...hmmm what is wrong with that picture?

I am very competitive. I have always played to win. When others say "I just play to have fun" I respond with "winning IS fun". I felt really bad because I was keeping my wife from having fun because she thought winning was more important to me than just having fun with her. I convinced her to be my partner anyway and assured her that I really was only going to play to "have fun". I promised I would not put any pressure on her or be upset if we didn't win the whole thing.

Guess what [long dramatic pause] WE WON!!! Guess what else... IT WAS FUN!!!! Out of 22 teams we marched through and won the whole bloomin' thing. She kept us in it more than once. She was amazing. I didn't put any pressure on her and she came up gold.

My point: as fun as winning is, relationships are more important. My relationship with my wife got even stronger today because we believed in each other. She had to trust me to hold up my end of the bargain (not to pressure or be mad if we lost) and I had to trust her to play the best she could.

I am so proud of her. I guess the "win" is if you play your best. If you are gonna play, play your best, otherwise shut up and sit down.

I think it is ironic that when my focus went from winning to fun, I did both... man that feels good to share with the one you love.