When you mess with most techy devices they usually have a "restore default settings" button. That is so you can get it back to the way it was if you mess it up to bad or don't like it once you've changed it.I was talking to some people about how we communicate and it seems like we have a "default" reaction to news that we don't necessarily like. When you watch some comedy shows, the typical reaction is biting sarcasm, anger or getting defensive. That is funny to watch but not real fun to experience.
My usual default response used to be sarcasm or humor. I have since tried to respond calmly as opposed to reacting negatively. It is usually better to respond instead of react. The difference is a planned approach. When you respond, you think before you speak. When you react, your default actions kick in and it's usually negative.
Don't you hate trying to talk to people that you know they are just going to take what you are saying the wrong way. It is so stinkin' hard to have a conversation when you are so worried about how your words are going to be taken. Walking on eggshells is really difficult.
My wife and I have agreed to give each other the benefit of the doubt. I confess that we aren't always successful but we try. When you give people the benefit of the doubt, you don't have to get all defensive, sarcastic and attack. You simply hear what they are saying, make sure you understand it the way they intended and then respond calmly.
My point: if people fear telling you things, your default reaction stinks. It's something that you can totally control and you need to have enough self-discipline to think before you speak. If not, people are going to hate you and not want to be around you. If that is what you are going for, well then, keep reacting instead of responding.
No one likes to be yelled at. What if people talked to you the way you talk to them. Stop making excuses, grow up and change your default settings... respond instead of react.
You can thank me later...
3 comments:
That's a great concept Gary.
Having someone give me the benefit of the doubt makes me confident in trusting them. Well isn't that something.
CARTWHEEL CHAMPION
A few years ago, Gary was foolish enough to challenge me to a series of feats of strength. He knew I was already the #1 Chair Dancer in the United States, an accomplished street fighter, a poet, and an author (Love Carefully Concealed & Other Random Ironies by John teHaug, available on Amazon). He decided to test my will in cartwheels anyway.
Considering himself an afficianado of said spinning, I reluctantly allowed myself to be dragged into this fancy display. He set a date - we were working in a military Ccommand post in some awful backwoods region of NC. He began training under his hero, Lt. Colonel Jim Murrie. When I arrived at work in BDUs (fatigues) two weeks later, Gary was wearing a costume designed by himself and his mentor. Purple leggings were all the rage back then as were bolo ties but Gary was always a non-conformist. His pink, furry legwarmers dressed over his white hi-top sneakers and a pair of old blue gym shorts blew the crowd away. His upper body bare, with only a pair of Mork and Mindy suspenders stretched over his huge, hairless barrel chest made the crowd of mostly geriatric military folk gasp. As the Crisco glistened off his upper body, people in the crowd let out slight ooohs and ahhhs.
Now I'm not prone to hyperbole, but local tales BEFORE the contest were as follows: Gary was a huge man to say the least, at least 7 feet tall and 500 lbs.....his arms were as thick as tree trunks...with great shocks of red hair, as red as the fires of hell....but he was nice....a nice bloke....I hope he beats that guy, John TeHaug....
Flash to the contest: Suspenders a blaring, a whirling dirvish of excitement from the gathering crowds, one last check of his legwarmers and he was off....and then. He fell. Mortified he tried again and crashed into the wall. All I had to do was ONE cartwheel. But I did not want a disappointed crowd starting a riot...and so...I did several thousand to the applause of the crowd. Gary? Well, he blamed his athletic debacle on an inner ear problem, poor costume fit and a bad pick of music for his program ("We Don't have to take our clothes off" by Jermaine Stewart)...last I heard, he went to West Virginia somewhere.
I miss my friend. I know it's been said that it takes a big man to cry. And an even bigger man to laugh at the man who cries. For Gary, I AM that bigger man!!! wish I could default back to that
Post a Comment