Remember how Charlie Brown used to say "good grief"... I started thinking about that. Is grief good? Today was probably the roughest time of my mourning the loss of my precious Megan. She was born on Nov 8th and died on Nov 12th. Deni and I usually spend some time on Nov 8th remembering her life and doing something in memory of her. We watch her video and we talk about those 4 days we spent with her and we cry cry cry...
This year was a little different. I thought I would handle it ok and we didn't do our normal routine. We made different plans. I was blown away at how incredibly different this year was. I found myself being really grumpy, giving short answers, getting mad at little things and I couldn't see how anyone would want to be around me because quite honestly, I didn't want to be around myself.
I hated feeling like I did, but I didn't know how or what to do about it. I was pushing my wife away instead of embracing her and getting through this together. I found myself getting incredibly mad at her for not comforting me. I didn't even think about comforting her, I was too busy being selfish and self centered. My grief wouldn't allow me to focus on anyone or anything but myself. I didn't know how to communicate my feelings because I didn't understand them.
The one thing I know about grief is that it is unpredictable. Just because I handled it a certain way last year, doesn't mean I will handle it the same this year. We all handle it differently.
I learned a lot about myself this year. One of the things I communicated to my wife is that when I am not myself and I am grumpy or irritable, the best thing she can do is give me a big ol' hug... She is taking a risk by doing it but she has to trust me enough to believe that a hug will bring me back to reality and send a much more loving message than getting mad at me or just keeping distance.
My point: we have to allow ourselves the time we need to grieve. We just have to figure out how to grieve in a way that it doesn't hurt others. I heard that "hurting people, hurt people". I don't think that is the intent, it's just that we don't always communicate our feelings in a healthy way.
Grieving is healthy but I wouldn't say "good grief".
to everyone who has prayed for us - THANK YOU and may God bless you.
2 comments:
I am so very sorry for your loss. Where I work I see this type of pain somewhat frequently and I cannot imagine...
Concerning grief: I think it is a privilege. It means we are still alive, that we still feel, that we care and that we have time. The ones that do not get to grieve have too many of their own issues (survival in one form or another) to worry about that they do not get to grieve so a part of them shuts down. The pain needs to come out. When it does come out in a constructive manner it makes us human once again. The pain I carry is different from yours but finding people that I can safely share it with has helped me change from being the cold harsh person I was to being just a bit more approachable. Praying for you and your family...
I think the scripture says it best when it says - paraphrase - Grieve (but) not like those who have no hope... Grief is healing. And the rest of that passage gives so much hope. "God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.
Much love and prayers Bro.
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